“Nipple to Nipple”?

Kind of a lull here, huh? Well, no word from iUniverse except that they seemed to think I hadn’t sent them my manuscript. I had, though, which only serves to make me a little more nervous about the whole proposition. Or maybe I accidentally sent it to Leah or Kathi instead of Ann. But I always have my customer number in the subject line, so you’d think–whatever.

Wedding updates: I have received the glad news that the Saikesi Trading Company has finally shipped my MOTB dress to me directly from Fujian, China, wherever that might be. Let’s just hope I don’t get two. And let’s hope it fits; after all, they did request me to send them very precise measurements, and I mean precise. I mean, how more exacting could “nipple to nipple” be? Is that with my regular or Victoria’s Secret push-up bra? “Shoulder to nipple”? Egad. As for the color, as they always tell you, each computer tends to render color just a little differently from the other. But how bad can “blue” be?

Today was also “champagne punch fountain” day. Actually, it’s going to be a non-alcoholic punch fountain, although those recipes including rum looked pretty darned inviting. But we already have the champagne and the wine, so gotta have the punch for the teetotalers and AA members. But what to use for that punch? It doesn’t just appear magically out of the fountain.

So on to Google. Well, thank heavens for ellenskitchen.com. Right there, an intriguing-sounding recipe for a punch that requires a bit of almond extract. OK, I’m good to go for that; why mess around? Then there’s her “Get Out the Big Pots” link which gives you invaluable information like, exactly how much punch are you going to need? Better go overboard than run out, so let’s say enough for forty people. Her calculation allows 3-4 one-half-cup servings per person (remember, the wedding is at 2:00 on a May afternoon). Fine. We’re going to need about four to five gallons. Start saving those plastic milk jugs.

But wait: what about that recipe? It calls for liquids in the amounts of ounces, liters and tablespoons (the almond extract). Oh oh oh. Let’s see, a gallon is 128 ounces, a liter is 33.81 ounces while a tablespoon is .5 ounces. So for five gallons we will need, um, 640 ounces, and then the juices come in 46-ounce cans, the ginger ale in liters, and the extract–well, just one of those teeny bottles. Percentage-wise, that would mean . . . You know, I think we’ll just make it batch by batch. This is so out of my league. And you wonder why I never got to Algebra I.


About Holly J. Pierce

You thought vacationing with small children was hard? Try traveling with your two daughters in their 20's, yet be glad that you have your peace-mongering husband along. Put it all together with your own laser vision of an epic journey and you have the basis for my book. Will I ever see it published? Will those self-published volumes ever move out of the garage? We'll see, won't we.
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One Response to “Nipple to Nipple”?

  1. Nancy Johnson says:

    Nipple to nipple. Now that is a quandry. I think it would be best to measure with the bra on that you are going to wear. But who knows what bra until you get the dress, right? I mean the exact measurement would be different if it were hot or cold outside too, am I right? This is just too funny. I can’t wait to hear how you like it when it shows up!

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