So I get a call from the woman at iUniverse who is supposed to find out from me what I want to do with my manuscript next. Next? I thought “next” was formatting it, slapping on the cover and sending it out. But no. She wants to know which of their editorial services I wish to avail myself of. Hmm, so what would this involve?
First is the “Line Editing” service for “heavy copyediting” at a mere $0.029 a word. So let’s see now: 0.029 times 141,800 words equals = holy crackers! $4,112.20. Well, honestly, I personally don’t think I need “heavy copyediting,” as I’ve made an intermittent living at editing. And I only started out with the $1,000 package as it is.
Okay, so what are the other options? After an hour and a half of chitchat during which I learn that she is 5’4″ and has to sit on a phone book to see over her car’s steering wheel, she tells me there’s a category called”Author Assistance Editorial Services”–cheaper by about half. But after some quick calculations on her part, she says that “Editing Essentials,” which is the bare-bones service, will only cost me $2128. Some better, but here’s the kicker: you can only order “Editing Essentials” if you’ve already taken advantage of their “Line Editing” service. $6240.20: ha, ha. I suspect that some professional authors may not make that much in royalties on their own books.
Do these people want to help schmucks like me get their amateur writing into book form, or do they want to make bunloads of money? I wish I could say the former, but wouldn’t you agree it’s got to be the latter? Screw it; I’m taking my chances and going straight to “Formats.”